Can Men and Women Be Friends?

Can Men and Women Be Friends? In the society that we know today, just the same as in the society that was known 100 years ago, the idea that men and women can just be friends has been discussed. Discussed during common conversation, explored in books, poetry, movies, and any other genre of communication that can be thought of. There is a host of ideas, definitions, opinions and facts that must be considered to answer this question. There are many challenges as to why men and women can be friends and just as many as to why they cannot be just friends. My own life experiences have made me genuinely interested in this very question. Can I be just a friend to a woman and likewise, can a woman just be a friend to me? There have been many times in my life when a current relationship has depended on this question; a future relationship has depended on this question, and a past relationship that has depended on this question. There is a possibility that men and women can be friends. Certain words and ideas must be define d, circumstances must be addressed as to why friendships can work between opposite sexes, and those friendships that do not work, must be dissected to propose why it did not work. Answering this question and the ongoing research that is being done is vital to every generation. An honest answer could prohibit hurt or provide a new pool of friends that could be made, provide a different structure of friendship and number of other things. It will be beneficial to both sexes. Friendship is defined as one attached to another by respect or affection (Websters Dictionary, 1994). With this simple definition, there should be no reason at all that men and women cannot be friends. As long as you respect the man or woman and feel affection for them, that should be the end of the story. Then why does it not always work out? Could it possibly be that men and women view the term friend differently? Do they have different reasons for friendship? Research suggests that friends must enjoy each others company, they must be useful to one another, and they must share a common commitment to the good (Bell, 1991). Women typically describe their friendship in terms of closeness and emotional attachment. The characteristics the relationships between women is the willingness to share their feelings, thoughts, feelings and support. Mens relationships tend to focus around certain activities and are more segmented (Bell, 1991). It is a relationship between men that serve as a buf fer to stress and reduce depression (Bell, 1991). It is more difficult to find a true friend that encompasses character traits that prove beneficial to both parties intents and purposes. Studies do suggest the friendships between men and women versus same sex friendships are much less common (Newton, 2008). These same studies also indicate that this is because issues of possessiveness and jealousy come into play just as they would in a relationship that is sexual in nature (Newton, 2008). According to Dr. Jane Greer, often, when men and women are friends, theyve already had a relationship and diffuse the sexual energy they used to generate it (2009). There are certain circumstances that would allow for men and women to just be friends. The main issue as to why being friends just does not work is the topic of sexual tension. In the movie When Harry Met Sally, Harry informs Sally during their first meeting that it is a fact the men and women cannot be friends. This is because one will always want to sleep with the other. There is simply no way of getting around that. Perhaps a man or woman is friends with someone of the opposite sex but it could be that one of them is keeping the option open for a sexual connection. Perhaps not right now, but maybe in the future (Greer, 2009). The only answer seems to be to diffuse whatever sexual tension exists. The circumstances of the friendship between a man and woman has a lot to do with the success of a platonic relationship. Those friendships that succeed can because the people involved are in different stages of their lives, proximity to each other or they may be married. These are practicalities that may make having a romantic involvement impossible (Greer, 2009). There of course are cases of friends who have different sexual orientations and therefore the main problem of having sexual tension, simply does not exist. Because all friendships are built upon a mutual attraction and on compatibility, the potential for romance between a man and a woman being friends is definitely present. In order to diffuse that issue, it must be addressed in order for some sort of resolution to take place and from there, move on (Greer, 2009). According to Michael Ferrel, there are four key obstacles to the success of male-female friendships. The inability to define the relationship (Ferrell,). Men and women have to be honest about the relationship, whatever the reason. There must be honesty as to what the attraction is whether it was sexual, having common interests, etc. A fear of confronting feelings of sexual attraction (Farrell 1) is another obstacle that is stated. Whether or not the feeling are there, which there usually is, being able to talk to your friend about them is vital to the success of the friendship. A third obstacle is the inability of both partners to see each other as equals and the fourth is societys response to a non-romantic relationship (Farrell, 2008). These are serious impediments for a cross-gender friendship to work but not so serious that it is impossible. When Harry Met Sally (1989) is a classic movie that explores the four key obstacles to the success of a cross-gender relationship. Harry and Sally were both very honest throughout their friendship and that is the only reason why such a relationship could work. It was definitely not love at first sight. It was a friendship of support through the entire story. According to research, men and women in platonic friendships enjoy many benefits from their relationships. Men seem to get more out of the cross-sex friendship. In a study by a psychologist in New York State, men rated cross-sex friendships higher in overall quality than their same-sex friendships (Farrell, 2008). This can be for reasons of perhaps being able to more easily express their feelings and get a female perspective on things. The old adage that men are from Mars and women are from Venus eludes to how very different our two sexes are. Why not find out what the other team is thinking? These friendships can provide support , love and an opportunity to understand life through someone elses eyes. In watching When Harry Met Sally (1989), it is evident that are many different types of friendships at play through the entire movie. Although Harry and Sally did end up being romantically involved, that is not to say that that is how it had to happen. If Harry could not have married Sally or been romantically involved with her, he would take her as a friend and vice-a-versa. Each had their own friends that were of the same gender but as Harry said, there are things that I can talk to her about that I cant talk to you about, when speaking with his male friend. There are benefits as well as costs to every relationship but they discovered a true friendship that ended with them falling in love and being married. Perhaps if more people in our society focused on friendship, there would be more success in the married lives of people today. Men and women can most certainly be just friends. There will be obstacles but through honesty, those obstacles can be overcome. I have a very good friend that happens to be the opposite sex. I have known her for over ten years and friendship is as far as it has ever gone. She offers support, enjoys activities that I do, compliments my personality, but I view her as a type of family member with no real sexual attraction. An obstacle that was addressed by Harry was that if you do get involved with someone romantically, they may have a problem with that person. Whats missing from our relationship (When Harry Met Sally, 1989)? That has been issue but only because to find a platonic relationship between a man and woman is so rare to find in a pure form. I would rather keep my friend than to be with someone who does not understand a real friendship. Through me saying that, that shows that a true friendship can exist without false pretenses. There have also been times when I thought I was f riends with a person only to soon realize that that is not what is really going to happen. Either I become attracted to her or she becomes attracted to me. In order to stay friends with that person, the sexual tension has been addressed and either we can remain friends or not. But that is not to say that it is impossible. When Harry Met Sally (1989) sends the message that two people can be just friends. Research has more often than not indicated that it is possible for these mixed-gender friendships to work. I was surprised to learn that this fact is supported. It is in every movie, television show and real life experiences that men and women cannot be friends, and yet, we now find out that they can. This research was purely based from research that was conducted in the United States. It would be incredibly interesting to have a cross-cultural perspective on this topic as relationships between men and women differ across our world. In no way should men not be friends with women or women not be friends with men simply because they do not think that it could be done or they are asking for something more than just the friendship. We can see through this research that while there are times that these friendships lead to more, those that succeed can find a true friend and have a lasting friendship that will provide other elements that they may not be able to receive from a same-sex friendship.

A V R Essay

Appearance vs. reality explores how the more persistent illusion will triumph over what the individual want to be true. While reality is persistent, appearance it is less convincing as it based upon the fragile network of an individual’s values, expectation and deepest desires. Pleasantville (1998) directed by Gary Ross examines this idea through the protagonist who escapes his troubles and unforgiving reality to Pleasantville; a fake world that reflects his utopic vision and 1950’s American society.Similarly Robert Frost’s poem â€Å"Birches† shows no matter how hard he tries to escape his reality to a better illusion he was made for himself, reality is persistent and will always bring him back. In Pleasantville the idea that reality will triumph over appearances is shown by David’s negative view of his family and yearning for the family he sees in Pleasantville.. The appearance that David sees in Pleasantville is peace, calm, relaxing and great bu t in his reality it is the opposite of Pleasantville as he has difficult problems with his family.This is shown by of contrast of the perfect family living the American Dream in Pleasantville compared to David’s own family. The montage of shots of all the members of Bud’s family in Pleasantville contrasts heavily to the empty and wide shot of David and just his mother, emphasising how his family is so different from his ideal family on Pleasantville. Although David wants to become part of Bud’s family, he realises this is just an illusion based on his desires.This is clear when he realises Bud’s family isn’t as perfect as it seems through the uncomfortableness he feels with the repetition of the word â€Å"swell† to describe what he thinks is good and returns to his persistent illusion of his real family, his mother. Reality is shown to be the more persistent illusion through the corruption of values in Pleasantville. Jennifer instigates the corruption of Pleasantville by bringing in values and practices of her reality to the untainted illusion of Pleasantville.When Jennifer has sexual intercourse with skip on Lover’s Lane, there is a change in the scenery shown in the close up shot of the grey rose turning into a bright red. The previous monotone colours represent†¦. And the red represents†¦.. This shown that reality is more persistant than the illusion of appearance as†¦. FILL IT IN! Another example is shown through when Betty sees Mr. Johnson for the first time and she starts to feel different from seeing him. The technique that is used is contrast of colour and grey background. The wife changes as she ealise her true feelings, and it is this persistent emotion that overcomes her role as the faithful wife in the American Dream. This shows the wife is being seeing her true feeling and her true reality from Mr. Johnson, ultimately breaking the illusion of appearances . Similarly, in Frost’ s â€Å"Birches†, reality is illustrated as persistent reality that will triumph over any illusions of appearances but does this through the poet who reminisces about his childhood past with the birches tree. The poet feels a strong connection with the illusion he has made of the birches as a sentimental figure of his past time.He does this by portraying birches during the autumn time as †like girls on hands and knees who throw their hair before them†¦ to dry in the sun†. The personification combined with simile to reinforces the illusion the poet has created from his expectations and desires. However,. reality attempts to bring the poet back from his constructed illusion that has been â€Å"shattered and avalanched†¦. [reduced to] broken glass to sweep away†. This is emphasised by the â€Å"black† branches surrounding the â€Å"snow white trunk†.The black branches symbolise the persistent illusion of reality trying to bring him back to what is more real surrounding the white trunk that symbolises the dying purity and untainted illusion he has created of the birches, showing that reality is more persistent than appearances. Unlike Pleasantville, where David does not want to return to the persistent callings of his reality , the poet in â€Å"Birches† realises that although he can visit his â€Å"heaven† using his childhood memory of the birches, he would â€Å"then come back to it [earth] and begin all over†.The nostalgic tone emphasises that he cannot go back to his illusion of appearances as he recognises the reality is more persistent. Through the close study of the Ross’s â€Å"Pleasantville† and Frost’s â€Å"Birches† it is clear that reality is more persistent than appearances. Pleasantville shows the corruption of values and the perfect family based on the American dreams to shows how reality will triumph over appearances similarly â€Å"Birches† us es the poet reminisces that frost can visit his appearance but when he returns to his reality he understands that reality is the more persistent one.

Language Assessments For English Language Learners Essay

Spinelli Chapter 5 Oral and English Language Learner/Bilingual This chapter identifies language assessments for English Language Learners and Bilingual students. Over the next several years, the United States educational system will see a dramatic increase in culturally and linguistically diverse students from various racial and ethnic minority groups. This chapter is a must read if you have limited knowledge about teaching culturally or linguistically diverse (CLD) students. This past year, I spent several months filling in for an ESL teacher. However, since I am not ESL certified I could not sub more than fifteen consecutive days (not a problem when the school district is short subs and I was frequently pulled). This invaluable opportunity gave me an enormous amount of experience and yet still left me wanting to know more about how I can better educate CLD students. 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The United States Health Care System - 1483 Words

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